Parenting like a pro

Flik: W.W.J.D? Did you ever wear a rubbery bracelet with that on? What would Jesus do? I did. But at that time, I guess I would have been thirteen, I didn't often know the answer. Now, as a parent I feel even more clueless. And Jesus wasn't a father.. or mother; so even the question doesn't help me much.  I have to ask W.W.G.D? What would God do? Would he do this, or that? Or not?

I asked myself this question on a cycle path in France last week. It should have been a nice outing, with my eldest, cycling off to the boulangerie along the bridleway. But because I hadn't wanted to take the nice smooth road, as he prefered (he's not ready), and because I refused to spell out exactly what treats he could expect at the boulangerie - beyond the chocolatines that would, of course, be shared with everybody  - he was stopping and starting, throwing his bike down on the verge, throwing himself down, kicking things... all of which was annoying because he had chosen to come with me, instead of staying at home to play with his siblings. This was my bike ride. We had done it before together, and it had been fun! And now he had chosen to come some of the way - but he would not go any further.

My inclination was to keep going and wait for him to catch up. This plan had sort have worked 2 minutes previously, but not really, because he was still stopping and complaining. Is this how God parents me? I wondered.

I've been working on identifying myself first and foremost as a beloved daughter of God. Working on believing that I am loved. Even when I'm not [fill in the blank] saintly, tidy, beautiful, productive, good at things...

It helps me to look back and ask where was God when... The answer is a question of faith. Where was God when I was squandering my inheritance, when I was feeding the pigs, when I was starving? He was waiting for me, watching for me. Where was God when this terrible thing happened to me? When I was hurting and confused? He was right there with me, suffering too. These things are a matter of faith because we don't know that they are true from feeling it, but because we have been told. By Jesus in the parables, through the bible, the inspired word of God, through catechism and instruction, through reading.

'I don't want to go with you, but I don't want to leave you Mummy' is what my son said to me. Would God cycle away from me and expect me to follow Him if I prayed an honest prayer like that? No. I don't think he would. I think he would stay with me, and be patient with me, and help me follow Him if I was finding it hard.

So that's what I did. I threw myself and my bike down next to my son. Offered him some water from my bag. Apologised for cycling away from him. And then I just had to wait. And wait, and wait. And while I waited I recited, 'love is patient, love is kind, love bears all things'. And I remembered that when I was little I used to have a cute teddy bear t-shirt which said 'love bears all things' on it. I think that was before the W.W.J.D. wrist band...

He wanted to go back, so I said I would take him back to our village and then turn around alone to get the bread and chocolatines. Just as we were coming into the village I said innocently, "you know it's a shame you didn't want to come to the boulangerie with me. Of course I would have bought you a little treat, just for you, but I didn't like being pressured into promising you something to make you come with me. I wanted you to come with me because you wanted to."
"Oh." He said. "Well shall we turn around?".

So we did. And do you know what? We missed the boulangerie. It was closed for lunch. So we ended up having a three course menu du jour at the café instead. Just me and him. I loved having my gorgeous son across the table from me chatting about school and trying to understand what was happening on the 24 hour news channel in the corner. (Rioting in Paris and Lyon apparently).

So that's the story, and one of the surprising things about it is that God turns out not to be the authoritarian 'eye for an eye', smite you if you disobey, type of parent that I've sometimes heard he is. As for me I am slowly learning that not all difficult behaviour requires correction. Mostly the invitation is to love harder. Which is harder than it sounds.