Fasting

 I am praying hard for something. 

And I heard, on a podcast that "Prayer knocks at the door, fasting obtains, and mercy receives" Peter Chrysologus. 

So I invited you Elaine, and another friend to take on a fast with me. 

Not terribly substantial. Two of us were breastfeeding. Each of us fasted on 4 days which we chose to fit around our lives but limited to the same two week period, we limited eating time to a 6 hour window during the day, and avoided pudding and alcohol on the fast days... I didn't count fruit as pudding... the focus was to pray for marriages, and each of our marriages particularly. 

It was a powerful experience; involving friends, being accountable to you really worked well for me. 

I was in a bit of a fasting rut before. I wanted to do it, but invariably i'd wake up on the day I was due to fast and then say, "Not today Lord, I know I said I would, but now it's morning, and I can't." And then I'd feel like a Terrible Sinner, but also that it didn't really matter because it was all just words in my head, and no one was requiring me to do it anyway. 

I have a bit of a dysfunctional relationship with food. During the 6 hour 'eating' window and also for the rest of the week, there was an element of rebound eating, which I did not enjoy. Neither the food, nor observing the behaviour in myself were very satisfactory. 

But it is not a stretch to say that other areas of my life flourished. On fast days I was less caught up in what's mine, what's owed me, - my precious [fill in the blank] food, time, money. And so I had more space to consider the needs of others. 

Being emptied of food also opened me up to hear the Holy Spirit's promptings. 'Give here, read this, come to mass, or sit in front of the blessed sacrament, and here is something you should know about yourself.' And I've been so grateful for that boost. It's given me things that I can continue to work on in the coming weeks, even though this fasting fortnight has come to an end. 

Thanks for walking alongside.